The Holy Grail Sweatpants (Now On Sale!)

Note the leopard flats and hipster glasses. Not your brother’s sweatpants.

I mentioned my dedication to sweats in an earlier article. This has been a longtime love. When I was in high school I would wear insane outfits (I vaguely remember wearing white boxers over black fringe silk shorts with a blue polo and a stethoscope … I was weird). As soon as I got home, I’d strip immediately and change into sweats. This was mainly due to the fact that my parents refuse to use central heating until it gets below 40 degrees. But nonetheless it spurred a deep and loving relationship that continues to this day.

Up until recently I was loyal to my old high school track and field sweatpants. They’re the classic cotton fleece sweatpants: drawstring top, black and stained with bleach marks, with the elastic at the bottom snipped (I’m not that big of a dork. Well, actually I am.). The pockets were the exact height of  the knobs in my parent’s kitchen, so when I’d wear them back home I’d constantly get snagged. I wanted to get a size small, but when I ordered them, the senior track star who didn’t like me said, “Um, you don’t want a small.” Turns out they were men’s sizes, and so I have to roll them down several times so I don’t trip over myself. Which is great, because it gives me an extra donut of padding right around the widest part of my hips.

All that said … I still loved them. And I wore them pretty much everyday last year after I’d come home from work, with flip flops to go pick up more ice cream and beer, or on the weekends with sneakers to make it look like I just went to the gym. But as the strange orange stains became more prominent, and the holes in my pockets larger, I knew it was time for another pair.

sweating hard
Imagine the black ones but with more stains and the bottom elastic snipped.

On a whim I decided to buy J Crew’s amazingly named Saturday pant. They were on sale from $65 to $50, which I realize is absurdly expensive for sweatpants, and even more than I usually spend on jeans. But I’d read great reviews of them, and I had just gone through a breakup, so I was much less of a tightwad than I usually am. These pants have changed my life.

They’re the perfect sweatpant solution. They’re basically thick cotton knit leggings, witha cute heathered look and back pockets. They are somehow even more comfortable than enormous sweatpants of yore. I don’t know what magic they weave into the cotton, but I love it dearly. When I found out that J Crew was having a 30% sale on all sale items (Inception sale?), I pulled the trigger on a second pair. This way I can alternate, or maybe have a “fancy” pair since my other ones already got nail polish on them. Oops.

hthr spruce
The proud owner of two pairs

A few important tips. Only the lighter “hthr spruce” pair are on meta sale. For the darker, probably more flattering “hthr coal” pants, you’re gonna have to pony up 65 bones. But … the lighter ones are now only $35, which is a much more reasonable amount to drop on ultimate comfort. Also, go down one size. I’m a 4/6 right now, which would indicate size small, but due to a helpful review I went with the extra small, and they fit perfectly. They stretch out a bit, and nobody likes a saggy butt.


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